


Texts From Last Night

by rinthegreat



Series: Texts From Last Night [16]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Season 2 Divergent, TFLN part 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-06-11 19:03:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15322176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinthegreat/pseuds/rinthegreat
Summary: While Makoto and Rin adjust to their new long-distance relationship, Sousuke's shoulder heals and Haru tries to adjust to this new world of college swimming.Arc 2 of TFLN, but more serious.





	1. Main Timeline

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read arc 1, some of the things might be confusing. **Cliffnotes:** Makoto confessed his feelings for Rin to Haru while drunk one night. With Haru and Sousuke's help, the two of them started a relationship during Rin's mid-semester vacation. Haru and Sousuke had been secretly "together" before that, but started officially, and openly (to their friends), dating around the same time. The events leading to their relationship haven't been revealed.
> 
> Additionally, this fic is now replacing [Aftermath](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5229923) and the Eternal verse. Though the plot isn't identical for obvious reasons, most of the things I had wanted to address there are now in here. I am more than happy to ramble at you about that if you want. HMU on my socials.
> 
> I will be updating universe info for readers who are interested in the meta [here](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/post/175898070472/tfln-universe-masterpost). So check that out.
> 
> AND FINALLY, in the spirit of the original TFLN fics, I am not going to have this fic betaed (pending further notice). This fic is run differently than my usual fare in a lot of ways, so if you're curious about _that_ feel free to ask.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!!

Makoto misses Rin something fierce.

It’s been months since Rin had come to Tokyo, and every day Makoto misses him more and more. He’d thought it would get easier in time, but it’s gotten worse instead. In large part because they talk less and less.

In the beginning, Rin had called him almost daily. He would update Makoto on his training schedule, his classes, what he’d seen on his commute that morning…really anything and everything. Makoto’s always loved listening to him talk, so he’d go silent and let Rin’s voice wash over him until Rin would inevitably ask about his day. If he closed his eyes and ignored the occasional bad quality of the call, he could pretend they were together.

They’d video call multiple times a week, as Rin had promised before he’d left. At first, it had been incredibly awkward. Makoto had been too embarrassed to do anything other than talk until Rin started stripping with a bright red face, bringing Makoto out of his comfort zone. They had converted their late night dates into Skype sex, and though it was more satisfying than his hand alone, it still couldn’t hold a candle to the real thing.

But as they’d thought, things picked up. Rin had been over a month into his semester when he’d visited Tokyo, but Makoto had only been a couple weeks into his. It hadn’t taken long for Makoto’s classes to pick up. At the same time, the swim season started kicking into full gear. Rin landed some qualifying times for bigger meets in Australia, and his training picked up to account for it.

Makoto isn’t surprised. Rin’s always been amazing.

Their late night video “chats” are the first to go. They’d started ending earlier and earlier when Rin would stifle yawns until Makoto assured him that it was alright if he went to bed. Then Makoto would cancel because of the sheer amount of studying he needed to do that night. Soon, they stop having them all together.

Rin can’t call him as much anymore either. He has his own studies on top of his training and meets. Being a student athlete puts a ton of pressure on him, so Makoto doesn’t blame him when they don’t talk for two or three weeks.

Of course, they still text constantly. Makoto misses him so much that he keeps his phone on silent so he can message Rin in class, even though he knows he shouldn’t. Rin does the same, so Makoto doesn’t feel too bad about it.

But that doesn’t stop him from missing Rin.

It’s embarrassing how much he misses Rin in a lot of ways. He’s careful not to bring it up around Haru or Sousuke, because they both hear from Rin less. Makoto knows they miss Rin too.

Haru has his own training, his own problems, but Makoto notices him checking his phone more often than he had before. The same way he notices the pout Haru pretends he doesn’t have when Rin hasn’t replied to him yet.

And Sousuke…well, Sousuke frowns more now that Rin’s gone, slowly drifting back into the protective shell he’d had when Makoto had first met him. So he tries desperately hard not to let his sadness show when he’s around them.

Which is why it’s all the more embarrassing when Sousuke brings it up.

They’re in his apartment, a routine they’d fallen into almost immediately upon school starting. Makoto’s trying desperately to catch up to the reading in one of his classes, but the textbook is the most boring thing he’s ever read. He keeps glancing at his phone as if Rin will have magically gotten out of his practice an hour earlier than usual and want to talk. Haru’s due to finish practice and join them any minute, but time is passing so slow it may as well be going backwards.

“Expecting a call?” Sousuke asks, breaking the silence.

Makoto jumps. He looks up and gives Sousuke a guilty smile. “Not really.”

“Waiting for a text from Rin?”

“I know he has practice,” Makoto defends. But he can’t deny that Sousuke’s right.

Sousuke shrugs. “Doesn’t mean you aren’t waiting to hear from him.”

“It’s silly,” Makoto admits. “He has another hour of training. He won’t be able to check his phone for at least that long.”

The other man blinks at him, staying silent for so long Makoto wonders if he actually spoke out loud. Finally, Sousuke responds. “Makoto, you’re an idiot.”

Makoto’s mouth drops open. “What?”

“It’s not silly to want to hear from Rin.” Sousuke closes his book, giving Makoto his full attention. “You have every right to miss him. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“But…you miss him too…”

“Of course I miss him,” Sousuke says. “So what?”

“So I shouldn’t bother you with it,” Makoto argues.

Sousuke stands up. “That’s why you’re an idiot,” he declares, heading into the kitchen.

Makoto scrambles to his feet and follows him. “I don’t think that’s fair,” he complains as Sousuke pours himself a glass of water.

To his surprise, Sousuke turns back to him with a smile. “That’s the Makoto I remember.” Makoto’s frown must convey his confusion, because Sousuke continues. “You were more confident when you started dating Rin. You didn’t let people talk down to you.” He waves his free hand as he walks by, taking his glass back into the living room. “Rin’s a good influence like that.”

Makoto smiles, even though he knows Sousuke can’t see him. His chest is tight, the way it is when he thinks about Rin these days, but this time it’s a good tight. Rin _has_ always been a good influence on him. He can’t say he wouldn’t have continued swimming in elementary school if it weren’t for Rin, but he certainly would’ve had a harder time enjoying it.

Rin’s always been there for him some way or another.

He pours himself his own glass of water and joins Sousuke back in the living room, determined to focus until he gets his reading done. He takes a seat and flips his book open again right as the door to Sousuke’s apartment opens.

“You should lock your door,” Haru announces as he walks in.

Sousuke sighs. “You’d lose your key if I gave you one. Lock it behind you.”

“Troublesome,” Haru argues, sinking down onto the couch.

Sousuke grumbles something Makoto can’t catch, but he gets up and goes to lock it himself. Haru sighs and leans back against the cushions. His face is paler than normal, and there’s water dripping down the strands of his hair, as if he hadn’t dried off before leaving.

“Haru,” Makoto whispers, leaning in. “Are you alright?” He looks absolutely exhausted.

Haru peels open one eye and glares at him. “Your face looks strange,” he declares.

Makoto frowns. “What?”

“You’re thinking about Rin.”

“Freaky,” Sousuke interjects, returning to the room. “How’d you figure that out?”

Haru closes his eye again. “None of your business.”

Sousuke gives Makoto a look, raising one eyebrow. ‘What’s his deal?’ he mouths. Makoto shakes his head.

“I know you’re talking about me,” Haru tells them, still not opening his eyes.

“If you’re so tired go to sleep,” Sousuke grouses. He’s glaring at his textbook while he says it, tapping his pencil against the edges in a rapid pace.

It’s that moment that Makoto realizes he’s overstaying his welcome. He’d planned to stay longer, catch up with Haru at the end of the day and maybe walk home with him. But he can tell by the way Haru’s sinking deeper into the couch that he’s not leaving tonight. The fact that he came to Sousuke’s at all while he’s this tired means he’d never planned to leave in the first place.

Makoto closes his textbook with a decisive snap and starts packing his things. He isn’t mad, he reminds himself. He isn’t. Haru and Sousuke have a relationship that doesn’t make sense to him, but in some ways it’s as new as his and Rin’s. If Rin had come back to his apartment and collapsed on his couch, he’d want time alone to take care of him too.

So Makoto clamps down hard on his desire to care for Haru and stands up. Sousuke looks up at him, startled, as if he hadn’t noticed Makoto packing up before. “You don’t have to leave,” he says.

Makoto glances at the couch where Haru is now snoring softly. “I should go.”

Sousuke follows his gaze, his eyes going soft around the edges. “He’s been tired lately.”

“Don’t let him train too hard,” Makoto advises.

“Trust me,” Sousuke assures him, standing up with a grunt, “I won’t.”

Makoto has a thousand questions about that, about Sousuke’s shoulder. But that’s a sore topic, even still, so Makoto swallows them and walks to the door with Sousuke following behind. “Sorry about this,” Sousuke apologizes, scratching the back of his neck while Makoto pulls on his shoes.

“Don’t be,” Makoto assures him. “I got more than half of my reading done.”

“Still. You shouldn’t feel like you have to leave.”

Makoto looks back down the hallway. Haru’s feet are the only part visible, but it’s clear he hasn’t moved from where he’s sitting. He pulls his backpack over his shoulder, gripping it too tightly. “You should have some time alone.”

Sousuke rests his hand on Makoto’s shoulder with a sigh. “Rin will be back,” he promises.

“I know.” Makoto _does_ know. Things are different for Rin now. He’s tired from school and training, but he’s happy. That’s more than he had last time, at least from what Makoto’s heard.

“I’ll make sure he texts you in the morning,” Sousuke promises. He’s not talking about Rin.

“Thank you.”

Makoto doesn’t linger in the door longer than that. He’s still nervous about getting around Tokyo at night. He rushes to the subway station and makes the train with barely a minute to spare. It’s crowded, as it always is at night, packed with students and business men and women in suits, all looking equally exhausted.

He finds a spot to stand between two people in suits right as his phone vibrates. It takes some effort for him to pull out his phone, but when he does, it’s worth the effort. Rin’s out early it seems.

 **Rin:** _practice ended early  
_**Rin:** _video?_

**Makoto:** _I’m on the subway_

**Rin:** _home or Sousuke’s?_

**Makoto:** _home_

**Rin:** _Haru?_

**Makoto:** _Sousuke’s_

**Rin:** _good_

Even the implication alone brings a flush to Makoto’s face. The conversation itself is innocent enough, in case anyone wants to read it over his shoulder, but Makoto knows what Rin means. Or rather, Makoto knows what he hopes Rin means.

The subway takes too long, as far as Makoto is concerned. By the time he gets off, he’s less worried about walking through a large city alone than he is in getting back to his apartment before Rin falls asleep the way Haru had.

He all but stumbles up the stairs to his apartment and nearly forgets to lock his own door in the rush to get his computer. By the time he pulls up Skype, Rin is already online. He hits call immediately, and Rin answers almost as quickly.

“That was fast,” Rin laughs the moment he answers.

Makoto’s lips stretch into what is no doubt an embarrassingly fond smile. “Hey Rin.”

“Hey yourself.” Rin grins back at him. He, like Haru, looks like he hadn’t dried his hair before heading home. Makoto’s spent so long wanting to see Rin that he can’t stop from taking in every feature, every sign that something’s changed. “Something on my face?” Rin asks, when Makoto doesn’t do anything more than stare.

He blushes, shaking his head adamantly. “No, it’s just…it’s been a long time.”

Rin’s face softens. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Too long.”

The fact that Rin feels the same way makes Makoto feel a thousand times better. “How are things?”

“Awesome!” Rin confirms, excitement nearly bursting out of him. “I qualified for some meets. I told you that right?” He pauses long enough for Makoto to nod. “So now I have all this extra training, which I also already told you, but! You’ll never guess. There’s another guy from Japan.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. He doesn’t go to my school, but our coaches put us in contact. He actually qualified for World’s already, which is pretty awesome.”

The sign that something is really different this time is this: Rin being excited about someone doing well. Rin not getting upset that he hasn’t qualified for World’s yet. So Makoto smiles and nods, letting Rin wax poetic about this new senior he has to look up to. Makoto isn’t jealous of that, after all. Rin should have someone in Australia; not having anyone is partly what caused everything to go wrong last time.

He isn’t jealous.

“Anyway, he urged me to not push myself too hard today, since I’m still tired from practice yesterday.”

“That’s good,” Makoto agrees softly, thinking of Sousuke’s still healing shoulder and Haru falling asleep on the couch. “You deserve rest.”

Rin laughs. “Not too much rest though.”

Makoto twitches, wanting to reach out and stroke Rin’s cheek. He wants to touch him, not just sexually, and remind himself that all of this is real. That Rin is really with him after all those years of pining after him from afar.

“What about you?” Rin asks eagerly.

“Nothing that interesting,” Makoto assures him. “Haru’s been training hard.”

Rin raises his eyebrow. “I asked what was going on with you, not Haru. I know he’s training hard. He messaged me his times yesterday.”

“I’m not swimming,” Makoto reminds him. “Just school and part time work. It’s really not interesting…”

“It’s fine that you aren’t swimming,” Rin tells him. “If you aren’t passionate about it, you don’t have to do it.”

Makoto chews on his lip, biting down his reply. He has too much studying to do and not enough time to do it, or so it feels. He’s been working part time teaching swim lessons at the pool near Haru’s apartment, but that’s about the only time he gets in the water anymore. Compared to Rin, who’s qualifying for events and pursuing his dream, Makoto’s life is boring. It’s like comparing a celebrity’s life to a teacher’s.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you next month,” Makoto says instead. Rin’s semester ends almost a month before Makoto’s summer break, but that won’t stop him from spending as much free time as possible with Rin while he’s up here. Though, with how busy he’s been, he’s not sure what time he’ll have.

They’ll make it work, though.

The conversation, which had seemed safe, triggers a nervous frown from Rin. He taps his fingers on the table audibly and looks away. “Yeah, uh, about that.”

Makoto’s heart sinks. “You’re still coming out right?”

In his defense, Rin at least looks contrite. “I can’t,” Rin admits. “My coach doesn’t think I can afford to take that much time off training.”

“What about Haru’s team? You can train with them.” Rin shakes his head, opening his mouth, but Makoto speaks quickly before he can. “Or one of the local club teams. Haru trained with one before the semester.”

“It isn’t the same,” Rin says almost apologetically.

“It’s training,” Makoto insists weakly.

“It’s different,” Rin repeats. “The training down here is no joke. It’s not surprising I couldn’t keep up as a kid. It makes Samezuka look like a kid’s practice.”

He doesn’t intend it to be mean, but that doesn’t stop the twist of the knife in Makoto’s heart. He thinks about Haru, pale and exhausted from the hours he’s putting in at the pool. It isn’t fair for Rin to act like all that is less than what Rin himself is doing. “So you’re not coming,” he clarifies.

“I’m sorry. Makoto, I really –“

“Rin,” Makoto cuts him off, aware of how rude it is. “I’m sorry but I realized I forgot to finish my reading. I have to go.”

His excuse is weak, paper thin, and Makoto is sure Rin can see his eyes watering even through the now grainy Skype call. But Rin shuts his mouth with a snap and nods. “Right. Of course. I’ll…” Rin trails off before finally saying, “Goodnight Makoto.”

“Night, Rin,” Makoto manages to choke out. He ends the call and slams his laptop shut before his eyes overflow.


	2. Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke's shoulder surgery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this following my own surgery, though mine is my wrist. i'm actually still in my cast as i write this. Many details are just lifted straight from my experience, but not all because...well...I didn't want to torture him that badly. i'm not gonna lie, i have been using this as a kind of mental therapy so chances are you will see more of the recovery (and definitely some Haru pov) later.
> 
> i might come back and edit this more later, but right now i kinda want to preserve it in it's state since it's so recent to my own experience. i hope you enjoy!
> 
> Special tags for this chapter:  
> souharu pre-slash, mild self-deprication, angsty sousuke, mild trigger warning for medical situations (surgery, dizziness, pain, IVs...)

That final relay with Samezuka is what does him in. When Sousuke goes to physical therapy for the first time following that event, he’s immediately subjected to a series of tests, x-rays, and MRI’s, which lead to the terrifying conclusion: the tendon he’d strained by overworking himself has finally torn.

Due to the location and nature of the injury, his doctor recommends surgery.

“Mr. Yamazaki,” he says politely, taking off his glasses and leaning forward in an uncharacteristically personal way. “You are not the first athlete to work yourself to this state. There are many surgeons I can refer you to, but there are two in particular who strive to getting the athlete back to their sport.”

Sousuke drops his head, cowed. “I’d like that,” he admits. He’s gone back and forth all year on whether to give up on his love of the water, but if he can be healed at least he’ll feel like he has a _choice_.

He leaves the office with two referral cards in his pocket and a doctor’s note ordering him to rest and not lift anything heavier than a bottle of soda. And then comes the dilemma:

Does he tell Rin?

Rin will cry. Rin will absolutely cry and blame himself and insist on doing things for Sousuke like carry his bag, give him the bottom bunk, and feed him. Sousuke doesn’t think he could stand seeing the guilt and pity Rin won’t be able to hide from his face.

So he loves Rin, but no. No he won’t tell him.

He tells his family, because he has to tell them. They agree that, since he’s already planning to go to university in Tokyo, he should see the doctor there. He can heal in his own home, or rather, his future home.

“One of us should be there,” his mother insists.

But Sousuke shakes his head. “Let me see what I can figure out first.” This was his fault and he doesn’t want to drag his family across the country, away from their jobs and lives because he couldn’t obey the warning signs of his body. So he’ll figure something else out.

Unfortunately that ‘something else’ is fairly limited in options. He’d never been particularly good in making friends, so those he knew in Tokyo are out. That leaves those moving to Tokyo at the same time he is: Kisumi, Makoto, and Nanase. Er, Haru.

Sousuke’s still not used to calling him by his given name.

Kisumi is a horrible gossip and has never seemed particularly reliable. Sousuke was never that close with him either, so the thought of being around him at his most vulnerable is…not desirable.

Makoto would be worse than Rin. Where Rin would cry and apologize until he fainted from lack of oxygen, Makoto might just faint. No, perhaps that isn’t fair. Sousuke doesn’t know much about Makoto outside stories from Rin – stories which border on the realm of gushing – but he gets the impression Makoto’s afraid of everything.

Shockingly, Nana- Haru is Sousuke’s best option. He’s quiet, except when he’s around Rin, so Sousuke won’t have to worry about him spreading gossip and Rin calling him to ask what happened. He lives alone already, so he has to be somewhat responsible. And what’s best? Despite their somewhat-forgiveness of each other, Haru doesn’t seem the type to mother him. He’ll likely do the bare minimum required to care for Sousuke before leaving him to fend for himself.

And that’s exactly what Sousuke wants.

He’s been told that Haru doesn’t check his phone, but that doesn’t stop him from calling. To his surprise, the other swimmer answers on the second ring. “Sousuke,” he states, not at all surprised. He says Sousuke’s name as if they’ve always been on a first name basis, rather than this change being less than a week old.

“I have a favor to ask.”

Silence. Then, “You know who I am, don’t you?”

Sousuke sighs. “Nan- Haru. I know who you are.”

“I don’t talk on the phone.”

Familiar irritation at the person who has captivated Rin all these years flares up. “Then why did you answer?”

“I’m expecting a call.”

Sousuke pinches the bridge of his nose and reconsiders his options. Kisumi, Makoto, or his family. Haru is still the best option. “I’ll buy you lunch if you hear me out.”

There’s a pause on the other line, as if Haru’s considering. “Mackerel,” he says finally. “I’m out and don’t want to go shopping.”

“Wha-“

“I have dinner in an hour, so be over by then.”

And the line goes blank.

Sousuke stares at his phone’s screen long after it goes black, the other’s name fading. He wants to clench it in his fist until it cracks or throw it across the room. Instead, he stares disbelievingly at the screen until the dorm room opens, letting in a ruckus.

“Sousuke, let this leech know I don’t need any books about stag beetles,” Rin announces, marching into the half-packed room.

“Rin-senpai,” Momo whines. “They’re for Gou-chan.”

Sousuke pockets his phone and stands up, grabbing his jacket. “Sousuke?” Rin asks quietly as Nitori joins the fray in the room, berating Momo for…who knows what, honestly.

“I’m meeting my parents for dinner,” he lies. “I’ll be back before curfew.”

The worry which had formed itself over Rin’s face fades and he nods. “I’ll try and finish packing by then.”

“Don’t be in such a rush to leave,” Sousuke scolds him, but there’s no heat behind his words.

Rin just grins back. “Oh you know me.”

\---

Na- Haru’s wearing his apron and holding a spatula when he opens the door. “You’re late,” he informs Sousuke before turning and walking back inside.

Sousuke’s eye twitches as he thinks back on the goddamn line at the grocery store that he stood in just to get some fresh damn mackerel and sides. He’d missed the train to Iwatobi and had to wait for the next one because of it. But Haru doesn’t care about that, so Sousuke doesn’t bring it up.

Instead he slips off his shoes and wanders into Haru’s home for the first time in his life. It’s more old-fashioned than he’d thought. Sousuke feels like he’s traveling back in time with every step he takes past the sliding doors to the living room until he reaches the kitchen, where Haru has a George Foreman grill on the counter, already heating up.

Sousuke drops the grocery bag next to him. “I brought tamagoyaki and cucumbers,” he informs Haru.

The swimmer grabs the bag and pulls it towards himself. “What about mackerel?”

“Of course I brought mackerel,” Sousuke scoffs, trying to sound less irritated than he is. “Why do you think I’m late?”

“I already have sides,” Haru informs him, pulling out the mackerel. He slides it right onto the counter itself, cutting it before placing it on the grill. Sousuke scrunches his nose.

“Then don’t eat them.”

Haru takes the groceries out of the bag, looking the items over before carefully placing them in an already well-stocked fridge. “I’ll eat them.”

They don’t have much to say to each other, so Sousuke leans back against the counter, watching while Haru cooks the mackerel and cleans up the counter in between flipping the fish. Eventually, Haru finishes. He plates the fish along with the sides Sousuke brought on two plates, offering one to Sousuke.

He takes it and follows Haru to the living room. They sit on the floor on opposite sides of the coffee table and eat without talking to each other. It’s not the most uncomfortable dinner Sousuke’s ever eaten, but it’s close.

“So,” Haru starts, setting down his chopsticks. “You had a favor to ask me?”

Sousuke had been playing with the last bit of fish on his plate, but he gives up all pretense of finishing his meal, setting down his own chopsticks. “I’m having surgery,” he announces, no preamble.

Haru’s eyes widen. “Does Rin know?”

Sousuke shakes his head. “I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Why are you telling me then?”

“I need an adult to take me to and from. And stay with me overnight.”

Haru’s eyes narrow. “Why me?”

“I scheduled it for the day after Rin leaves. We’ll already be in Tokyo. It’s convenient.”

“I wasn’t planning to leave for another week,” Haru informs him. “When Makoto goes.”

Ah. That hadn’t been part of the plan. Sousuke had assumed the two of them would want to see Rin off as well, but if they’re not going then he really has no excuse to not ask his parents. “I see,” he responds calmly, closing his eyes. “Never mind then.”

“I’ll do it.”

Sousuke’s head snaps up. The look on Haru’s face is intense; it reminds him of Rin’s expression right before he makes a declaration like _I’m transferring to Iwatobi_ or _I’m moving to Australia_. “What?”

“You have your reasons for asking me,” Haru continues. “You don’t have to tell me right now, but I’ll need to know.”

Sousuke nods. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t tell anyone else.”

“About the surgery or me taking you?”

“Both.”

Haru stares at him for a long moment before nodding. “I only eat mackerel,” he states, standing up to clear the dishes.

Sousuke follows suit. Overall, that’s not too high a price to pay.

\---

“You guys seriously didn’t have to come,” Rin proclaims, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. In the end, only he, Haru, Gou, and Rin’s mother had been able to make it. All, of course, despite Rin’s insistence that he’s a man who doesn’t need a tearful farewell.

Notably, the only tears Sousuke sees here are Rin’s.

“Of course we did,” Gou insists. “Right Haruka-senpai?”

Haru looks away, his cheeks coloring. “Not really.”

“Haru!” Rin complains, latching onto him. A tear breaks free from his eye, trailing down his cheek before Sousuke stops it with a finger.

“Stay in touch this time,” he scolds.

His touching, of course, gets him dragged into a hug by Rin. His chest presses awkwardly against Haru’s shoulder as Rin clearly tries not to injure him further. “You have to write me back,” Rin informs him.

“Obviously,” Sousuke responds, aiming for dry. His tone comes out far fonder than he intends, punctuated by him wrapping his hand around Rin’s elbow and tugging him closer.

Eventually, Mrs. Matsuoka breaks them apart with a gentle reminder that Rin still has to go through security. When he backs away, Rin wipes his arm across his face, as if that could take away the puffiness of his eyes along with his tears.

Sousuke and Haru take a collective step back, giving the Matsuoka’s a chance to say their goodbyes.

“Sousuke,” Rin calls for him, looking far more composed than when he’d embraced his friends. He has his fist held out. Sousuke bumps it with his own, assuming that’s what Rin means, but Rin grabs him with his other hand, peeling apart Sousuke’s fingers and turning his hand over. Rin opens his own fist, and something small and solid drops into Sousuke’s hand. “Keep it safe for me,” Rin tells him.

And with that, he grabs his bag and leaves.

Sousuke glances down at his hand and almost chokes up himself when he sees what it is:

Rin’s necklace.

It seems like every time Sousuke thinks he’s caught up to Rin, Rin slips out of his grasp. First to Iwatobi, to follow his _shining_. Then to Australia. Sousuke had almost drawn level with him at Samezuka, but here Rin is. Leaving again.

He clenches the necklace in his hand as he watches Rin hand his passport to the security agent.

“Sousuke,” Haru’s voice breaks him away from staring at the security line. Rin has long since disappeared.

When he turns to the swimmer, he realizes the Matsuokas have already left as well. Haru nods to the exit. Sousuke pauses long enough to clasp Rin’s necklace around his neck, tucking the charm into his shirt before following Haru out.

To his surprise, they don't immediately part ways. Haru hovers just off to the side of the entrance while Sousuke maps his route back to his new apartment. “Are you really that bad at directions?” the swimmer asks, as if he’d thought Rin had exaggerated in whatever stories he no doubt told.

Rin didn’t exaggerate. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Sousuke asks, a little sharper than he’d intended.

Haru shrugs. “My apartment isn’t moved in so I’m staying with you. Do you have mackerel?”

It isn’t exactly a shock to hear that Haru plans to stay. After all, tomorrow is the ‘big day’, and Sousuke hadn’t specified a time. And yet, that doesn’t stop Sousuke from mentally stopping in his tracks. “I,” he says eventually, licking his lips as he tries to form a decent answer. “Don’t have mackerel.”

“Is there a supermarket near your place?” Haru asks sharply.

“I haven’t looked.”

“Haven’t looked or can’t find one?”

Sousuke snaps his gaze over to Haru who is looking at him with an expression that can only be interpreted as smug. “Whatever,” Sousuke replies. Using the app, he leads the two of them back to his apartment.

\---

After Haru’s done dragging him to a grocery store Sousuke will likely never find again and fills his fridge with more mackerel than Sousuke ever thought he’d see in it, they fall into an uneasy silence.

In an effort to distract himself, Sousuke has put on an old anime he and Rin used to watch together as kids. The plot isn’t enough to hold his attention, though, and Sousuke finds more and more of it drawn to the quiet man sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

Haru isn’t paying any attention to the show itself. He has a sketchbook on his lap, and has immersed himself completely in the world on the paper. The sound of the pencil scratching piques Sousuke’s interest to the point that he needs to see what’s holding Haru’s attention so completely.

He leans back into the couch as subtly as possible, aiming for a better angle. The scratching doesn’t stop, so Sousuke turns his head slightly and squints at the page.

It’s a perfect likeness of Rin.

He’s wearing what he’d been wearing when they’d seen him off at the airport mere hours earlier, bag held over his shoulder. The light’s hitting him at just the right angle to make him glow. The image is black and white, but to Sousuke it looks like Rin’s come to life on the paper.

Sousuke leans in unconsciously, catching the way that Rin’s eyes shine, though this time it’s not with unshed tears. He’s so engrossed in the picture he doesn’t notice that the scratching has stopped at first.

When he does, he looks up and meets Haru’s blank stare.

Sousuke sits upright again, turning back to the television. He can feel Haru’s cool eyes on him for a few minutes before the scratching of the pencil on paper sounds through the room again.

They don’t talk about it after that.

\---

“Please check in by filling your name, date of birth, and phone number here,” the receptionist instructs Sousuke the next day when they arrive at the hospital. She hands another clipboard to him. “This is for your responsible adult. Please have him or her fill out their name and phone number so we can ensure they’re here to pick you and your medications up afterwards.”

Sousuke takes the clipboard and hands it silently to Haru, who is standing just off to the side. The swimmer gives him a hard look before Sousuke breaks eye contact and finishes checking himself in. He and Haru hand back their clipboards simultaneously.

“Is he coming in with you?” she asks.

“No,” Sousuke answers forcefully before Haru can speak up. The last thing he wants is for Haru to see him at his weakest. He doesn’t want anyone to see him like that; that’s why he chose Haru in the first place.

 “Alright then,” the receptionist says, not seeming to notice the wordless conversation happening in front of her. “If you’ll follow me, Mr. Yamazaki, we can get you changed and ready to go.”

Sousuke turns to leave, but Haru stops him with a hand on his wrist. Sousuke turns and meets stubborn blue eyes. He pauses, waiting for Haru to speak, but when he does all he says is, “Good luck.”

Sousuke swallows past a newly formed lump in his throat and nods. Without another word, he follows the receptionist through the door to the other side.

“Please take everything off, including any jewelry you might be wearing, and get changed into the robes on the chair. Your clothing and other items can go into the bag under the robes. We also ask that you use the bathroom one last time before we hook you up. Any questions?”

Sousuke blinks at the plethora of information given to him and shakes his head. With a nod, she steps out of the way so he can enter and closes the door once he’s inside. Sousuke stares at the impersonal robes sitting on the chair before sighing and getting to it.

When he finally changes, he takes off his shirt last and stares at his torso in the mirror for a long time, holding the robe in his hands. There’s nothing visibly wrong with it. Standing here, not doing anything, he can almost pretend nothing’s wrong with it. As with the many times before, Sousuke debates if this is even worth it. There’s a chance it won’t work. A chance it will work but his shoulder will never be able to handle the physical strain of butterfly again. A chance that the healing process will take so long his body won’t be used to swimming and he’ll never be able to catch up regardless.

But there’s a chance he can swim again, and he’s going to take that chance.

Sousuke pulls the robe on and gathers his clothes in the bag before stepping out. He’s directed to a bed, already set up for him, where the nurses and resident doctors and all kinds of medical people he doesn’t know existed are already waiting for him. They hook him up to an IV immediately, pumping him full of “liquid that’s compatible with blood and medication to help with the anesthesia, no medications yet,” and ask him the same three questions over and over.

“What’s your full name?”

“Sousuke Yamazaki.”

“What’s your birthday?”

“September 14th.”

“What surgery are we performing today?”

“Right shoulder tendon repair.”

In between the questions, the prodding, the antibiotics that get added to his IV, and the general assurance that he’ll be fine and they’ll get started soon, they leave him alone. Sousuke stares up at the ceiling, listening to the doctors talk to the girl on the other side of the sheet about her recovery. She’s just come out of surgery, apparently.

He’s in the corner bed, tucked away enough that when he’s left alone he doesn’t see another person. He isn’t exactly scared, but he isn’t not scared either. Sousuke doesn’t know what he is.

But he does kind of wish he’d had Haru come in with him.

Finally, a nurse comes in and pops the metal up on the sides, trapping Sousuke inside the bed. “The room is ready for you, so we’ll head inside.” He nods as she wheels him out of the tight corner and down the hall into the operating room where three other nurses or doctors or whatever are already waiting for him.

“Just gonna get this breathing mask on you,” one of the nurses tells him. Sousuke nods again, and blackness consumes him almost immediately.

\---

Consciousness simultaneously returns to him slowly and hits him all at once. He becomes aware of his existence because all he can feel is pain. He might think it. He tries moving his mouth to say it. He isn’t aware enough to know if either happens.

_It hurts._

He fades out again, the pain very much there but not enough to tether him to the present.

\---

When he comes back in, his mouth is filled with cotton. “It hurts,” he croaks around the dryness. His shoulder throbs, aches, is on fire. He wishes he’d stayed in the darkness instead.

“We’re going to give you something for the pain,” a disembodied voice to his left tells him.

He can’t stay awake long enough to tell if they do, falling under again.

\---

The third time is the most solid Sousuke feels. The pain is still there but it’s less urgent than before. There’s a pressure on his right wrist. He twitches his hand and the pressure disappears. When Sousuke opens his eyes he sees a smiling nurse, the first one he’d met, gazing down at him.

“How do you feel?” she asks.

He glances around the room, eyes landing on Haru seated in the chair next to the right side of the bed, just in front of the curtain. There’s something, a dressing of some kind, around his shoulder that he can feel, but he can’t see anything noticeably different.

Sousuke swallows, turning back to the nurse rather than meeting Haru’s deeply calculating eyes. “Still hurts a bit.”

“It will take a bit for the pain medication to kick in,” the nurse assures him. “Are you hungry?”

Sousuke thinks about it. He hasn’t eaten since midnight the night before, but he doesn’t feel particularly hungry.

“I’ll get you some crackers,” the nurse decides. “Just in case.” She disappears.

The issue is that now, Sousuke’s left alone with Haru. He stares determinedly at the desk the other doctors are working behind, ignoring the presence to his right. Haru says nothing, but Sousuke feels his stare until the nurse returns.

He eats his crackers, lays down until the nausea passes, drinks water, and gets outfitted with a sling before he’s walked to the bathroom to change back into his clothes by the nurse. He’s weak, shaky, and needs help to get his shirt on, but more than anything, he wants to get out of this brightly lit recovery room and go home to lie on his own bed.

“You’ll need to stay in the sling for at least a month,” she reminds him, as if he doesn’t remember those explicit instructions from his visit with the doctor a month before graduation. “You’ll want your…friend here to help you out with as much as possible. No carrying anything heavier than a small glass of water.”

There’s weight in the way she refers to Haru, but Sousuke elects to ignore it in light of finally being dismissed. The swimmer jumps to his feet the moment Sousuke stands up, picking up a large paper bag Sousuke hadn’t even noticed.

He hovers close to Sousuke’s side, holding doors open for him, even though Sousuke wants to insist he doesn’t need the help. Haru’s stiff shoulders tell him that he shouldn’t say anything about it, so Sousuke stays quiet until they leave the hospital and Haru immediately flags down a taxi.

“No,” Sousuke croaks, throat still dry. “We can take the subway.”

Haru turns to him with a look so poisonous that Sousuke takes a physical step back. “We’re taking a taxi,” Haru replies, tone leaving no room for argument.

Sousuke relents, letting Haru usher him into the back seat. The ride is supremely uncomfortable despite the car itself being nice, and Sousuke has to agree with Haru on this one. He closes his eyes when the passing buildings makes him dizzy. “What time is it?”

“5 pm,” Haru tells him.

Five hours. He’d been there for five hours.

Sousuke breathes out a long breath, trying to regain his sense of balance. “Okay.”

\---

He goes to bed as soon as they get home, worn out despite not having done anything. He knows he should eat something, but as soon as his head hits the pillow, he’s out like a light.

When he wakes up, disoriented with his covers tangled in his sling and starving, his shoulder is screaming in pain again. He hears a distant sound in the kitchen, and when Sousuke walks in he sees Haru wearing his apron, cooking mackerel on the stove. Sousuke’s stomach rumbles, announcing his presence.

Haru glances over at him. “Good morning.”

Sousuke grunts in response, stumbling towards his medicine cabinet. He scrambles for the low level pain killers when he opens the door, knocking all his vitamins and containers on the counter and floor.

“Dammit,” he curses, leaning over to pick them up. Blood rushes into his shoulder and his vision temporarily goes white. Sousuke keels over, but he hits Haru before he hits the ground, Haru’s chest presses against Sousuke’s shoulder, and he can’t help the whine of pain that escapes his lips.

“Sit down,” Haru instructs, lowering Sousuke gently to the ground. Sousuke goes with it, leaning back against his drawers.

Haru disappears once he’s settled, so Sousuke closes his eyes and breathes in and out. When he opens them again, Haru’s there, pills and water in hand. Sousuke takes them, coughing after he chokes down the water too fast.

“Thank you.”

“Do you like mackerel?”

Sousuke shrugs his good shoulder. Haru stands up, and when he sits down again, he has a plate of already cut mackerel and a fork. “You should eat.”

He wants to argue, tell Haru that he has a perfectly good table they should eat at, but his stomach growls again, and the mackerel smells amazing. He can’t hold the plate and eat the food, so he takes the fork in his non-dominant hand and awkwardly spears the pieces while Haru holds the plate out for him. He’s glad he thought to buy western utensils; he’s not sure he could’ve done this with chopsticks.

“Thank you,” Sousuke repeats once he’s finished.

“There’s more if you want.”

Sousuke shakes his head. “I’d rather lie down.”

Haru nods, taking the plate and fork away before standing up. Sousuke braces himself before following suit, his shoulder aching with every breath. He stands still for a moment, regaining control over himself, before looking around. A second piece of mackerel is cooking on the pan while Haru rinses off the dish Sousuke just used.

“You don’t have to stay,” Sousuke tells him. Haru’s seen him weak enough already. The last thing he wants is to burden him further.

The dishes clatter in the sink.

“Haru?”

Haru isn’t looking at him. Silence falls between them so long that Sousuke wonders if he actually spoke out loud. Finally, Haru speaks. “I’m not leaving,” he says.

“It’s been a day,” Sousuke reminds him. “You can leave.”

“Are you in pain?” Haru asks, turning to face him.

Sousuke looks away.

“Then I’m not leaving,” Haru declares. He marches over to the oven and pushes buttons on it until a timer counts down, starting at 4 hours. “You take your next medication in four hours, even if you’re sleeping,” Haru tells him, turning back to his mackerel on the stove. “Go sit down.”

Sousuke wants to be mad, wants to yell at Haru to get out of his apartment and leave him to suffer in peace. But warm relief flows through him instead. He obeys Haru’s instruction, walking over to his couch and sinks down into it gratefully. He passes the time waiting for the pain to fade by listening to Haru move around the kitchen and thinks that maybe it isn’t so bad that he’s here.


	3. Main Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to SouHaru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> picks up right where ch 1 ended
> 
> now with art by [jill](http://jilli-bean.tumblr.com/)! **DO NOT REPOST**

Sousuke nudges Haru’s foot with his own. “Oy, wake up.”

Haru groans and pulls his feet up, curling further onto the couch. “You need to eat,” Sousuke tells him.

Haru groans again, something that sounds like words, but all Sousuke can make out is, “sleep.”

“You’re going to be starving in the morning.”

Finally, _finally_ , Haru opens his eyes. He glares straight at Sousuke, but they’ve been together been long enough that Sousuke isn’t cowed. “Food then sleep,” Sousuke instructs.

Haru closes his eyes again, and Sousuke sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’ll make mackerel.” Haru twitches but otherwise doesn’t answer, and Sousuke resigns himself to cooking alone.

He wanders into the kitchen regardless and pulls one of the remaining fresh mackerel from his fridge. He’s made it enough times now that he’s able to cut the fish mindlessly; knows the exact timing for when to add it to the frying pan, knows how long to leave it before he flips the fish over, knows the way Haru likes it cooked. Maybe he should be concerned that it only took a few months for him to attune himself to Haru.

Maybe he should be concerned that he doesn’t mind.

Haru’s been working himself too hard these days, going into the pool earlier than usual, adding miles on his running schedule. Sousuke wants to say that he’s not worried, that he knows Haru can handle himself. After all, Haru’s the one who took care of him when Sousuke couldn’t take care of himself.

The guy’s been living by himself for longer than Sousuke’s known him. He’s an adult. He can handle himself.

Except sometimes he can’t.

Makoto told him the story once, when Sousuke asked why he’s always so worried about a guy who clearly does better alone than any of the rest of them. The story of a scarf, a river in winter, and how they almost lost Haru forever. That it happened a thousand years ago now, but Makoto had admitted that he still wakes up in a cold sweat, caught in the nightmare between breaths, fingers stretching out to find a heartbeat hundreds of miles away.

This fear Sousuke has is less dramatic. His own nightmares don’t involve rivers or hospitals or ski as cold as ice. They’re smaller, less world ending, and yet he still wakes up in a sweat, gasping at pains far more real than the ones Makoto had spoken of.

Mackerel finished, he plates it, not bothering with rice or sides. He does, however, pour a generous glass of chocolate milk – even though he knows Haru will balk at it – and carries them both in to the living room. Haru hasn’t moved from where Sousuke left him. In fact, he’s snoring softly again, already asleep.

Sousuke only feels a little remorse at waking him up when he clatters the plate on the table and jostles the couch when he sits down. Haru squints one eye open and glares at him like Sousuke just committed a heinous sin, but Sousuke ignores it and gestures to the food.

“Eat.”

With the mackerel visible, Haru finally uncurls himself and picks up the fork. He stares at it before spearing the fish. “Didn’t think I could handle chopsticks?”

“You couldn’t even form a complete sentence.”

Haru stares at his fork for a moment before finally eating it. “It’s good,” he remarks, as if surprised that Sousuke could make his favorite meal without messing it up.

Sousuke nudges him with his knee half-heartedly. “Drink the milk after.”

“I hate that stuff,” Haru grumbles.

“Drink it all.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“You passed out on the couch in the most uncomfortable position imaginable,” Sousuke points out.

Haru spears another bite of fish rather than answer. Sousuke spares him, letting him eat his meal in silence.

“Are you gonna tell me why you’re training yourself into a coma?” Sousuke asks softly after Haru’s finished the plate.

Haru winces, going for the milk. If there’s one thing Sousuke could do to guarantee Haru will drink something he hates, it’s bring up a subject he doesn’t want to talk about. Sure enough, Haru downs the entire thing with a wince. “Disgusting,” he remarks, setting the glass back on the table.

“That’s not going to get you out of answering my question.”

Haru looks to the side. “I’m tired.”

“Is this about Rin?”

“Not everything’s about Rin,” Haru mumbles, but he’s still not meeting Sousuke’s eyes.

“You won’t be able to race him if you’re injured.”

Haru’s head snaps so his eyes exactly meet Sousuke’s. He opens his mouth halfway before slamming it shut again, staring at Sousuke with something complicated in his expression. He has something to say, but he’s clearly holding back against the eight thousand pound gorilla in the room.

“Please,” Sousuke says softer. “Don’t make the same mistake I did.”

There’s a beat before Haru leans in, pressing his forehead against Sousuke’s. Sousuke’s eyes cross as he stares at Haru, unable to look away. “You’ll swim again,” he swears, mackerel scented breath ghosting over Sousuke’s face.

Haru grabs his hand, keeping Sousuke trapped there. He stares at him so intently, eyes pressing his belief that Sousuke _will recover_ into him to the point that Sousuke nearly drowns in it. Almost believes it himself.

Finally, with a squeeze of Sousuke’s hand, Haru backs away. “I’m going to bed,” he announces, standing up.

“Don’t forget to brush your teeth.”

“Don’t forget to wash the pan,” Haru counters, disappearing down the hall.

The worry isn’t gone when Sousuke cleans up. He thinks about the way Haru collapsed onto the couch when he’d arrived, how he’d fallen asleep without even saying goodbye to Makoto. But he isn’t favoring a side of his body or one limb over the others. Exhaustion like this might be normal in college. The level Haru’s training at is completely different than anything he’s done in the past. For all Sousuke knows the whole team is doing the same thing.

But he’s not dating the whole team.

By the time Sousuke’s finished cleaning up the dishes and himself, Haru’s already curled up in bed, dead to the world. He doesn’t twitch when Sousuke sinks onto the bed next to him or even when Sousuke brushes the strands of hair back so he can catch a glimpse of the sleeping swimmer’s face.

Often, Sousuke wonders how he ever managed to hate him. He knows, objectively, that he’d been young at the time. Caught up in the conflicting emotions left by Rin’s absence with only one direction to aim them: at the person who had taken Rin away in the first place.

He’d almost ruined the best relationship he’s ever had.

He gets up and changes, turning off the light before crawling into the space next to Haru. He wonders, not for the first time, if it’s too early to hand over the extra key he had made. He’d joked about it earlier, but the key _does_ exist in the depth of his dresser.

How long is he supposed to wait before he tells Haru to move in already? It might not be a hard sell. Haru spends more nights here than in his own apartment, after all. Sousuke comes home to a fridge filled with mackerel because Haru refuses to lock up when he leaves, even if Sousuke’s already gone.

“Hey,” Sousuke whispers into the curve of Haru’s neck. “Are we moving too fast?”

Haru doesn’t respond. And tonight, like every other night, that’s a good enough answer for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ironically i pushed it too hard typing this. whoops. where's my sousuke?
> 
> [reblog the art on tumblr](http://jilli-bean.tumblr.com/post/176721353850/its-been-a-hot-minute-since-ive-drawn-free)   
>  [reblog the fic on tumblr](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/post/175987021282/texts-from-last-night)   
>  [retweet the art on twitter](https://twitter.com/jillibeeean/status/1026683674903887872)


	4. Main Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto still misses Rin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also takes place immediately following ch 1, but this time we follow Makoto instead of SouHaru

Makoto recovers from the Skype call with Rin over the course of the night. He knows it's not a breakup by any means, but the knowledge he won't be able to see Rin in a month opens something inside him.

He doesn't mean to cry.

Despite no one else being there, Makoto's embarrassed by his breakdown. It's silly, it really is. He's crying over a Not Fight with his boyfriend. It's absolutely pathetic, especially since the last time Makoto remembers crying this hard was after he'd gotten home from the hospital when Haru had almost...

He doesn't want to think about that.

In the end, when he finally manages to fall asleep, he only gets a few hours before his alarm blares, waking him up for his first class. His face is still puffy and he feels as if he'd barely closed his eyes, but he knows that he'll feel worse later if he lets this affect his life.

Makoto blearily wanders into the bathroom and takes a quick shower to freshen up before struggling through the day.

His phone is flashing when he grabs it, showing a missed message. But it isn't from Rin.

**Sousuke:** _idiot left his phone at the pool_

For a moment, Makoto blinks at his phone, confused as to what Sousuke's talking about. A night with less than three hours of sleep will do that, he supposes. Eventually, the memory of last night before his call with Rin comes back.

**Makoto:** _did he sleep?_

**Sousuke:** _yeah he's fine_

He has a thousand more questions. Haru had been worryingly exhausted the night before, had been getting more and more tired every time Makoto sees him. It's the training and the university life, Makoto knows. Or at least, he suspects.

He's been mostly worthless when it's come to Haru's new dream of swimming on an international level. It's infuriating to watch Haru get further and further away from him, but what's worse, somehow, is that Sousuke is getting closer to him. The knowledge that they've been together explains a lot, but it doesn't make Makoto feel any less worthless.

After all, it isn't like Sousuke's swimming right now either.

He immediately squashes down the thought. He doesn't mean that; he's just tired, that's all. Sousuke's recovering still. And besides, Makoto should be _happy_ that Haru's connecting with other people. After all, that's what Makoto had wanted when he'd opted to move out here before Haru had decided on his path.

So he locks his phone and tucks it away, grabbing his bag to head to class.

It's a struggle to focus on anything the professor's saying, especially when Makoto checks his phone every few seconds. It stays infuriatingly silent the whole time, not a single message from Rin.

The text in question arrives fifteen minutes into his mandatory Biology course and Makoto very nearly embarrasses himself with the audible gasp he lets out when his screen lights up. He hadn’t realized how concerned he was that the text would never come until water entered his eyes upon seeing Rin’s name pop up on his phone. And here he'd thought he was done crying.

Makoto has to wipe his eyes to prevent any further humiliation and flips his phone over to prevent himself from clicking it.

He does his very best to focus on the lecture despite his attention being obviously elsewhere. The professor makes the announcement at the end about some scuba trip the department has been pushing for a month now, reminding them that this is the last week to apply. Makoto tunes it out for the most part; scuba diving means ocean. And oceans...still don't sit well with him.

But then she says the magic words.

“...mostly covered expense down to Sydney where we will meet with the captain of the boat. If you're interested, please take one of the forms down here and apply. First years are more than welcome to join, so please do not let that deter you.”

She pauses while someone down in the front row asks a question, but Makoto just mutters to himself, “Sydney, Australia?”

“Yeah,” the girl next to him responds. “Where do you think the Great Barrier Reef is?” When he looks over, she's glaring at where Makoto's spinning his phone around on the table. She doesn't say it, but he can hear her clearly anyway thinking, _you would know that if you weren't checking your phone_.

Makoto flushes, grateful when the professor dismisses them and the class files out. He takes his time, tucking his notebook and pencil away while everyone else walks past him. Scuba diving is absolutely not something he should be doing. It's in the ocean, which he already marked as a no. Even if he _can_ get in and _does_ manage to get over his fear long enough, could he swing a few extra days down in Australia to see Rin?

And even _then_ would Rin be able to see him? It's a lot to gamble for the level of uncertainty associated with it.

Then there's also his inability to really communicate in English. He's two levels lower in the language than he rightfully should be, given how long he's been studying. Really, he should be two levels higher than that – at least – given the fact that he wants to be able to visit Rin in Australia and he only knows of one person down there who speaks Japanese. And that's Rin himself.

He might be better than Haru, but he's nowhere near as good as he should be. Not even for a sightseeing trip. And definitely not for a scuba diving excursion likely led by locals.

Regardless, when the class finally clears, leaving him and three others alone with the professor, Makoto walks down the steps instead of up. The professor is speaking with the others, answering questions about the trip, but Makoto snags one of the packets on the desk and heads up the stairs before he can be pulled into the conversation as well.

He doesn't want to be asked about it. He isn't going to go.

Free of the room, Makoto finally remembers about the text from earlier. He fumbles with his phone as he pulls it out of his pocket again, messing up the password three times before finally calming down his shaking nerves enough to get it right.

**Rin:** _I'm sorry about last night. I really tried to convince my coach to let me take some time off but she wasn't having it especially when I came back slightly slower last time. Please don't be mad._

The fact that Rin put all that in one message makes Makoto think that the swimmer wasn't ignoring him after all. Knowing Rin, he probably typed and retyped that from the moment Makoto hung up on him the night before.

The fondness that fills him is so overwhelming, Makoto stops in the middle of the path between buildings and presses the screen against his forehead. He really really misses Rin.

Apparently he leaves Rin on read for too long, because another message comes through when he finally regains a modicum of control over his racing heartbeat.

**Rin:** _we’re good right?_

**Makoto:** _of course. Sorry I overreacted_

**Rin:** _if that was an overreaction then…_  
 **Rin:** _i dunno i didn't get that far_

Makoto laughs out loud. He probably looks like a crazy person, staring at his phone and chuckling at it. But really, he can't help it.

**Rin:** _do you have time to talk? Even just a few minutes_  
 **Rin:** _this sounds cheesy af but I really want to hear your voice_  
 **Rin:** _ugh I was right that was cheesy. How do you unsend?_

Makoto laughs again.

**Makoto:** _i only have 30 min but I can talk_

His phone rings almost immediately after the message sends, forcing Makoto to hunt around for a vacant bench. Preferably a hidden one. It takes longer than he intends, so he answers while continuing his search.

“Hey,” Rin says as soon as Makoto puts his phone to his ear.

“Hey,” Makoto breathes back. He can't remember why he'd been upset. Doesn't even really remember the conversation from the night before if he's honest.

But Rin clearly does. “I know it was really shitty. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you're less important or that Haru isn't working as hard or -”

“Rin,” Makoto stops him before he can ramble too long. “I understand.”

“You're not just saying that?”

Makoto pauses. “Well,” he admits. “I don't really know what your training is like. I'm not down there with you.”

The laugh Rin lets out is filled with relief so strong, Makoto can feel it in his own bones. “You should be,” Rin finally responds. “I think you'd like it down here.”

All the air disappears around him. “Yeah?” Makoto hears himself say. “What about it?”

“Well for one thing there are a lot of animals down here, and I know you like animals.” Makoto can't find an answer to that, so he stands still under a tree, waiting for Rin to continue. “And then there's me.” Rin's voice gets softer, quieter, as he says, “I think you might like me a little bit.”

“I do,” Makoto admits easily, voice just as soft. “I like you a lot.”

Rin's breath catches audibly from the other side of the ocean, and Makoto's reminded of tangled sheets and a quiet morning. Of Rin whispering, _I don't want to go back to Australia without you_. “Do you think you can -” Rin cuts himself off.

Makoto frowns into the phone, turning the volume up all the way to hear what the heck is going on on the other side. He hears Rin's muffled voice, as if he's covering the phone while he talks. A second voice who responds. It's male, but Makoto can't make out what they're saying or even which language they're speaking because of how Rin's covering it.

“Sorry about that,” Rin apologizes, voice suddenly too loud. Makoto hastily turns the volume back down to something normal while Rin continues. “I actually have to go, but we'll talk later right? And you'll keep texting me?”

“Of course.”

“Good. I really,” Rin pauses, swallowing loudly. “Really miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“I have to go,” Rin tells him more urgently.

“Have a good day, Rin.”

And with that, the line goes dead.

Makoto stares at Rin's face long enough that the screen turns off. He really does miss Rin something fierce, even though they were hardly together before Rin left again. Haru's happier when Rin's around, and so is Sousuke. Rin brings a light with him that no one else has been able to emulate. Not that they've tried.

He wants to visit Rin, and he wants Rin to visit him. He wants a lot of things, but none of them seem achievable.

Regardless, Makoto finally manages to spot a lone bench and makes his way over to it. He sits down and pulls out the packet he'd grabbed. It's a flier, illustrating fish swimming in a reef with a scuba diver behind them. Makoto peels it off without looking at it and glances at the application. It seems standard: name, year, major, reason for applying.

He isn't going to go.

Makoto rifles through his backpack, finding a pen and begins to fill it out, writing his name in kanji, hiragana, and even romanji where it asks. His O and A look remarkably similar, but he soldiers on. He reaches his major and pauses, hand freezing over the paper. They won't let him in, not as a sports major rather than biologist. He considers writing in 'undeclared' but shakes his head. That's a lie, and it doesn't matter anyway. Because he's not going to get in, and even if he does he's not going to go.

He pauses again when it asks for the reason for him to apply. He has no reason to apply because he has no intention of going. Regardless, Makoto's pen hits the page and moves faster than he expects, writing in neat, precise print. When he finishes, he signs his name at the bottom, and reads it over.

It's...uncomfortable. It portrays feelings he hadn't realized he'd had, but now that he thinks about it...they're true. He can't deny them. It's too personal, not related to the purpose of the Great Barrier Reef trip, and it's not the kind of essay that would get someone accepted for the trip. But that works for him.

After all, he isn't going to go.

Makoto folds the application as instructed and tucks the pen and flier back in his backpack, before heading back to the Biology building. This is impulsive and strange and very much not something that he should be doing. This isn't something that will help him towards his dream of becoming a swimming instructor for kids. Far from it. At best it's a distraction; at worst it could cost him his part time job at the nearby pool.

He finds the application mailbox easily enough. The trip is well-advertised and clearly sought after. Makoto hesitates when he reaches it, stopping long enough for another person to walk up and turn in their neatly folded paper without a thought in the world. He hovers a moment longer while the time ticks away to his next class. Finally, with one last impulsive motion, he drops the application in the box and jerkily turns away before he can do something stupid like break into the box and try to remove his paper. He may as well leave it in there and take his chances.

After all, he's not going to go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have many things to say and updates for you, so I shall direct you to my socials:  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/rinthegreat_ao3)  
> [Tumblr](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/tagged/cat-writes-fanfiction)  
> [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/rinthegreat/) (I barely use it but it's there)
> 
> and as always: [the meta post](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/post/175898070472/tfln-universe-masterpost-this-is-the-post-where-i)

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/rinthegreat_ao3)


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